It must have been a moment of pure madness that convinced me that it would be a good idea to go and start my Christmas shopping on a busy Saturday afternoon in the town. Whilst you set off in good spirits, preparing for the annual unleash of your inner-Santa and contemplating what you can buy for everybody, by the end you have ultimately morphed into Scrooge – you too would be up for banning Christmas if it meant never having to experience the horror that is Saturday afternoon Christmas shopping ever again!
By the time I reached the town centre this afternoon my feelings of festivity had significantly dwindled. I’d passed a man angrily hitting his girlfriend over the head with a roll of Christmas wrapping in a subway that is affectionately known as ‘piss alley’, been angrily tooted at by a bus at a zebra crossing, and been stuck behind a trio of friends walking s…l…o…w…l…y and swinging their cigarettes behind them as they sauntered along (I seem to be much less tolerant of cigarettes now that I’m an ex-smoker, than I was before I even took up the filthy habit!)
The first thing I had to do was pick up some plates from the china shop. These plates had been specially made for my nephews’ christening in a fortnight, with each plate beautifully decorated with their names. I watched the lady wrap them in tissue paper and, considering I was wearing a boot with a broken heel (reason number 45367536 for needing some paid work a.s.a.p!), debated asking if she could use a couple of extra layers, just in case I tripped up. I didn’t though, possibly because I seem to lack brain cells from time to time.
With plates in hand I leave the shop and walk back along the High Street. Town is extremely busy and I’m like a fast-flowing river, meandering rapidly around everybody so that I can get home as soon as possible. Just as I become distracted by a stall selling scarves, Broken-Boot defies me and sends me crashing to the floor, scraping my knees and sending my shopping bags flying. “LOOOOOOOL” jeer a small group of teenagers behind me, their sympathy knowing no bounds. THE PLATES, THE PLATES! I think to myself, and scuttle into the nearest shop to check on their welfare. With a combined cost of around £100, they best not have broken or I’d probably be selling my left hand to Science in exchange for money to refund the replacements as we speak. To my relief, the plates are fine, but the whole episode has left me feeling even less festive than before.
I run to a cafe for an emergency caffeine fix to help me recover, and realise that now, all I can do about it is laugh, because it’s far more fun that way.
And that’s what the new ‘Cartoons’ section on this website is all about – trying to see the funny in the otherwise undeniably ridiculous or embarrassing. So, please check it out by clicking here or by choosing from the menu above! Thank you!
Happy Saturday one and all.
Song of the Day: Hey Marseilles – Rio
A wonderfully uplifting song about the wonder of travel from Seattle band Hey Marseilles. This song just makes me want to sack off all the things that bind us – work, housing, relationships, taxes and just travel for the rest of my life… hey, a girl can dream, right? Enjoy.
Love is a hazard in Lower Manhattan,
You cannot escape and mustn’t be saddened,
By men who abandon your eyes for another’s,
There’s always Brazilian boys to discover!
Set your sights straight now, don’t forget pain,
Drink til the morning becomes yesterday,
Think of the shorelines you have yet to see,
Men who will hold you with eyes you believe.
On the way, I will go.
Where the days left to breathe,
Are not gone, are still long,
I am travelling on!