Who wears short shorts?

Behold the first ‘Short’ of the Blog so far.  This category of posts will be where all the ‘tidbits’ will be kept (and yes, admittedly there was a long pause between the words ‘the’ and ‘tidbits’ during which the rusty cogs of my brain tried in vain to think of a word that doesn’t sound like the name of some kind of vintage confectionary).  Anyway, I digress…

i)  The Price is (not) Right

Whilst walking along Canterbury’s main street this afternoon I found myself exchanging flirtatious glances with a chocolate eclair in a patisserie window.  Seldom does my tongue request me to consume something sweet as opposed to savoury, so I was fairly surprised at how unable I was to divert my eyes away from the pastry.  I surrendered to temptation, sat myself down, and gave my order to the waitress.  Within minutes, the chocolate eclair was served up in front of me along with a knife and fork with which to finely slice the chocolatey goodness into proper sized mouthfuls (I would have preferred to have just gobbled it up in a heavily indulgent instant, but one must try and retain some degree of elegance and poise when sat in a public place). I have to admit, the snack lived up to its promise and was an absolutely delectable treat for the tongue (though perhaps an unwelcome gift for the waistline).  Overall I was pleased with my decision to give in to my tastebuds.  That was until they presented me with the bill.  After reading the little piece of paper word for word and foolishly wondering why my female waitress had a name like Bill, I finally found the important bit, the price I had to pay:  £3.35 (and, for the sake of emphasis, THREE POUNDS THIRTY FIVE PENCE).  Since when has a product which consists purely of whipped cream and choux pastry cost so much!  I’m convinced that the weight of the snack was even less than the weight of the £5 note I used to pay for it with.  Needless to say, next time a chocolate eclair winks seductively at me from a patisserie window I will have to give it the cold shoulder.  A shame, but at least the waistline will be happy.

ii)  Did you want to say that any louder sweetheart?

So compared to our national neighbours (particularly the Germans), we’re generally regarded as being quite a conservative nation when it comes to sex.  Unless chatting with close friends, people don’t tend to discuss their bedroom life in public and me being the somewhat traditionalist girl that I am is pleased about that.  So I couldn’t help but be surprised (and also relatively amused) this afternoon whilst looking at foundation products in Boots.  Nearby were the contraception counters and I was vaguely aware of a young couple perusing over the many different varieties of condom.  Normally, I have my headphones in whilst I am shopping alone and that makes me blissfully unaware of what is going on around me.  However, in a fleeting moment of silence between songs the pleasant sound from my headphones was replaced with the sound of the female half of the couple behind me, declaring particularly loudly, that “NO, THOSE WERE THE ONES THAT MADE MY VAG REALLY ITCHY LAST TIME” as her boyfriend pointed suggestively at a particular variety of condom.  I mean, really?  You think that shortening that one word in the middle is going to make your announcement any more discreet?

I will probably never see that lady ever again but now that I know she had an adverse reaction to the Durex Pleasuremax range my life has reached a whole new realm of enlightenment, so I would like to thank her for sharing her experience with the whole shop and I’m sure that the fellow shoppers who looked similarly as stunned at such a public proclamation should wish to do the same.  Bravo to you, curly-haired brunette lady in the brown mackintosh…

iii)  Karaoke Queen

I would like to pay homage to the tiler who was carrying out repairs on our roof this morning.  A shaven-headed, tattooed man who comes across as the pinnacle of masculinity. With the radio on full blast, perhaps he didn’t think anyone could hear him singing along with Skylar Grey in ‘I’m Coming Home’ in such a high-pitched, bird-like tone, but I could.  Caught ya!

That’s all for today.


Song of the Day: She & Him – Gonna Get Along Without You Now

We all love a bit of doo-wop and today I discovered a band who provide it.  “She & Him” are an indie-folk band from the U.S. This is a cover they did of a ‘6Os song.  I like the positivity of it.

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